Remember in college when you went on spring break and stayed out until 6am and woke up still drunk at 9am only to crack open another beer and start all over again? For the first couple of days you felt like a cross between David Hasselhof and Superwoman… nothing can stop me!
But then somewhere around day three something goes wrong. You wake up in a pool of your own vomit wearing a dog collar and upon stumbling into the bathroom to pee you notice a strange twang in your stomach and when you look in the toilet you see you’ve just shit out an entire chalupa. Party’s over.
That’s about how I feel right now. This morning I shit the figurative chalupa.
Coming home from the hospital was a big adjustment. For instance at home I don’t have a magic button commanding someone to deliver me a cheeseburger or help me put on my underwear. But I was running on adrenaline and so excited to try to rekindle my relationship with Ellie, who had labeled me as dead, that I didn’t care.
I was also looking forward to sleeping in my own bed with my own pillow – something that no matter how many times I asked Nick to bring to the hospital was the one thing that he forgot.
For the first couple of days I was Super Mom. Who needs sleep? I like watching Three’s Company at 4am! I can totally do this!
But this morning everything caught up with me all at once. My quality time with Elliot is now spent explaining to her the subtle differences between my nipples and beef carpaccio. I can’t sleep on my left side or lift my left arm because of some whopping cough vaccine. My incision feels like someone is burning it with a lighter. I can’t bend my right wrist – not sure what that’s about but I think it may be because they had to try like a million times to get the IV in. Also yesterday afternoon I started to feel like there was a hot air balloon in my abdomen that inflated every time I stood up.
Add to all of this sleep depravation and you’ve got yourself a recipe for me to go to the grocery store and never come back. I’m starting to understand why they don’t allow post partum c-section women to drive for two weeks.
But at least the breastfeeding is going well.