Last weekend my sister and nephews got the heck out of cow town and came up for a visit in search of some big city action. I invited them up under the guise of a fun weekend but it was really a trap to get my sister to help me install a cute wall decal in the girls’ room.
She had installed the same ones in her room a few weeks before and I was excited to fancy up our house a little bit.
“No – you don’t understand! It’s the devil’s decal!” She cried. “They’re horrible! It takes forever and it will take over your soul!”
“But they’re so cute and fancy! Please help me – it will go so much faster!”
After we got into a secret fight for a few hours, she realized my passive aggressive skills are far superior and we locked the kids in the bedroom with us and we began.
After five seconds I realized she was right. We had made a huge mistake. There were 105 pieces to this bitch. One. Hundred. And. Five. Pieces. First, we had to locate the correct sticker on a two foot sheet of one hundred and five stickers arranged in a completely random and chaotic order. Then, we had to match the sticker with the map which was provided in the box. We had to backtrack several times because if even one little branch or flower or leaf was a quarter of an inch off it threw everything off.
Of course almost immediately the kids all started playing the game “let’s violently open and shut the closet doors and see how many fingers and toes we can smash and subsequently scream balls while our Moms are in tears looking for number 43.”
It took us two hours. TWO HOURS, YOU HEAR ME! YOU THINK YOU KNOW TWO HOURS BUT YOU DON’T KNOW! By the time we finished, every piece of clothing had been thrown out of the hamper and dressers, someone fell off the bed, each of the children had broken at least one finger and one child was just gone.
But it looked adorable. It was one of those things where you keep walking into the room just to admire your work and pat yourself on the back because you don’t care what anybody says – you’re crafty. For once in your life a project actually turned out the way it was supposed to.
I bet you want to see a picture, huh? Well, this is where the story gets stabby.
The next night I walked into the girls’ room to just give them one final check before I went to bed and also admire my new found artistic skills. We’d been having a problem with Ellie running around the room for a couple of hours after we put her down but tonight it sounded like she had gone right to sleep. Not a peep out of the room the entire night. What an awesome Mom I am to have such an obedient kid!
I walked in and stopped in my tracks. I thought maybe my eyes just needed to adjust to the dark. I rubbed them. The tree was gone.
Well, not all of it. Just the pieces that can be reached in the wing span of a 37-inch little person.
I felt a lump form in my throat. That decal was by far the fanciest thing in our house and it was gone. She had stuck all of the flowers on Lila’s crib and balled up all of the branches together and threw them on the floor.
Immediately I began to hallucinate.
“Mom? Where’s my flowers?”
“Mom? What happened to my flowers?”
-inaudible choking noises-
“Ellie. I love you but I have to walk away from you right now.”
After some internal debate I’ve decided to leave it like that. Because a little fancy is better than no fancy at all.