Hey Mom – what does it mean to have too much booty in the pants?
Last Sunday, in what some would call ‘not the finest of parenting moments’, my 3-year-old daughter belted out a cute little ditty in church as she shimmied down the aisle to receive communion. Jesus Loves Me? No. What A Miracle Am I? Not even close. Le Freak? I wish.
I believe the song lyrics went something like, You know what to do with that big fat butt!. Of course the more I tried to shush her the louder she sang, complete with dance moves that involved looking old men square in the eye as she twerked her little buns. With the looks I was getting I may as well have been parading her around wearing nothing but a neck to waist mermaid tattoo. As we approached the altar Jesus peered down at me from the crucifix and shook his head.
For the record, and OBVIOUSLY JESUS, I don’t let my kids listen to that stuff in the car. Not on purpose anyway. But sometimes I don’t plan ahead and my iPod loaded with kid-friendly songs runs out of battery. Putting the car radio on ‘seek’ is like peppering them with lyrical concepts so advanced their little brains start to steam.
Even seemingly benign songs that don’t feature elegantly thoughtful lyrics such as ‘wiggle wiggle wiggle that big fat butt’ elicit an endless chain of questions.
Hey, I just met you… and this is crazy… so here’s my number… so call me maybe…
“Mom! What’s this song about?”
“Ummm, hmmm. Let me see. It’s about girl who makes a new friend and she wants him to call her to set up a playdate.”
“But why do all the boys chase her?”
“I have no idea.”
*flips station*
I came in like a wrecking ball… yeah I just closed my eyes and swung…
“Mom! What’s this song about?”
“Well, ummm… it’s… it’s about a girl who gets into a fight with her friend.”
“Why did they get into a fight?”
“Ohmygod it’s too early for this.”
*flips station”
!TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!
“Mom! What’s this song about?”
“Shit if I know. Shit if anybody knows.”
*turns off radio, beats head on steering wheel*
What I’ve learned by attempting to explain each and every song that was ever written in the history of the world to a 5, 3, and 2-year-old is that there are a lot of stupid songs that somehow slipped through the cracks and accidentally got produced. However, luckily most can easily be shelved into one of two basic categories: People who are sad their friend left and people who want their friend to come over and play.
But then something by Britney Spears comes on and good luck trying to explain that awful mess of words. Not that I don’t like Britney Spears. This morning on my monthly jog, Britney’s breathy words pushed me up the hill:
You wanna Lamborghini
Sip Martinis
Look hot in a bikini
You better work bitch
You wanna live fancy
Live in a big mansion
Party in France
You better work bitch
I have no earthly idea what any of that means. Fancy and France aren’t even rhyming cousins. All I know is that I kicked that hill’s ass. But I couldn’t explain a word of it to anyone.
So here’s where you come in. I’m going to give you a song, and in two sentences or less you have to explain what it means to a pre-schooler. I’m going to pick my favorite explanation by Thursday, June 19 at noon.
I’ll mail the winner this awesome high capacity slim portable power bank from RadioShack – a $39.99 value.
Trust me. It’s the most important piece of technology that you never knew you needed. This way, if your phone (or tablet, or MP3 player, or digital camera) battery dies and you’re left playing radio roulette in the car with your kids, you now have 11 hours of back-up anywhere you go.
The song? How about Dark Horse by Katy Perry.
Good luck, and make me laugh!
This parenting win is brought to you by RadioShack.
CONTEST RULES: Contest open to legal U.S. residents age 18 and over. Family members and advertising partners of site administrator are not eligible to win. Winner will be selected by site administrator among eligible entries on Thursday, June 19 at 1pm CST. Prize may not be redeemed for cash. Winner will be notified via Facebook, Twitter and email. If winner does not claim prize within 24 hours, alternate winner will be selected.
DISCLOSURE: I was provided services, goods and/or monetary compensation for this post. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
ITs about a girl on a mean/evil horse who’s about to make a bad decision and ride into a rain storm to go meet her friend. Her friend has to make the choice if he wants to meet her in the storm(because once he does he’ll be stuck in the storm ).
OOOOOH! You’re good. Can you just please become a permanent fixture in my mini van?
A boy goes to the fair to ride the merry-go-round,
but when he tries to get on the black girl horse she’s really mean
and tells the boy if he tries to get on her she will eat his head off!
Me: singing along in the car.
5 year old: what kind of magic does she have?
Me: like a witch has.
5 year old? will the storm be a tornado? is it coming tonight?
me: no its just a song about a witch that makes a storms if she gets mad.
5 year old: I thought Thor made the storms & lightning? What is a coma?
me: like what sleeping beauty was in.
5 year old: ok so this is sleeping beauty song?
Me: sure is! turn volume up and keep singing
It is a song about a girl that likes horses who tries to threaten and scare a boy into loving by singing confusing lyrics. In the end she is so desperate for a boyfriend that she will let a guy that can’t rap very well woo her.
The girl falls in love with a boy and she is telling him to not break her heart or she will punish him.
I’ve already got one of those, but I had to share…we were listening to that song when my 7 year old, an avid Minecraft player, piped up from the backseat: she’s right! You shouldn’t play with magic. What if you make someone disappear, and you can’t make them come back?
It’s a song about a really pretty horse running in a thunderstorm.
Katy’s horse, Magic, is lonely and needs a furry friend. Katy is debating, should she get a dark horse, or a different color for a new pet.
BTW – The same weekend my daughter cut off all her beautiful curls (she was 3) , was the same weekend she sang the classic “Baby Got Back” to my pastor’s wife, Ms Louann. Ms. Louann’s response to me after seeing my almost bald kid with a potty mouth – “You need to let Ainsley live with me for a while!”
Its about a boy and girl falling in love and if he hurts her she will turn into a big animal to hurt him back because as a girl we always try not to hurt people.
It’s going to rain soon and we can’t find our car so we need to hop on this friendly dark horse and get home to play some games with our friends!
The Magic Horse (named Katie, kinda like a My Little Pony but bigger) is magical because when she is happy and in love she can make a beautiful rain shower with puddles for us to play in. “You know how much you love playing in puddles, right?” Well they come from the Magic Horse who is beautiful and plays up in the clouds and when she dances on a cloud that’s too full while she is happy, out comes the rain showers and then we get to play in the puddles. Perfect storms are when you get all the rain and fun without the thunder or lightening.
Her friend, Juicy J, loves her and thinks she is beautiful, so he wants to play too, but he played to rough once and accidentally hurt her feelings. When Magic Horse gets her feelings hurt she starts to cry, a lot, and she stomps all over the clouds up in the sky and makes thunderstorms. When she is mad her nickname becomes Dark Horse as the clouds darken before the storm. She is reminding him that while she forgives him for what he did before, he shouldn’t do it again or she will turn into Dark Horse again and cause more thunderstorms. They are working on becoming friends again so that they can play in puddle and have fun together all the time. I hope they make up soon so we can go out and play in more puddles, don’t you?
this song is about when katy perry wouldn’t eat her green beans and a dark horse came and took her away for a ride. she’s singing the song because she doesn’t want this to happen to you.
(i’m pretty sure my 4 1/2 year old would buy it. he’s seen the “Roar” video. and he is IN LOVE with her. i’d like to think it’s all of the cute animals in the video and not her animal print bikini)
It’s about making sure you share your toys (like My Little Ponies, Sleeping Beauty, roller coaster marble toy) so that they don’t disappear. You know, like how Ursula the witch takes Ariel’s voice away with magic? Well that’s what happens to kids’ toys when they don’t share them. You better start sharing (with stern mommy look).
Ok…thought about this and the conversation came up with my 9yo.
Kiddo: what is this song even about?
Me: not sure? What do you think?
Kiddo: hmmm…don’t mess with a girl (or Katy Perry for that matter!) or she will mess you up!
Parenting job…DONE!
This song is saying you should always wear sunscreen and carry an umbrella, or just be prepared for bad weather in general. And that mixed metaphors will be the death of modern music.