You may recall early last year I lost a dear friend – my Blackberry ‘Lil Shawty.
It was only a few months old when it kamakazed into the gym toilet, taking with it such memories as pictures from Christmas and the video of the birth of our child. I can’t think about it or I start to get all twitchy again.
Because I limp along the technology freeway like a one legged turtle that has been smashed by a dump truck, I opted for another Blackberry. Which, for all its bells and whistles, may as well have been a rotary phone powered by hamsters on a wheel. But the advantage of rotary phones is that they are simple and don’t make me want to put them in my driveway and roll my mini van back and forth over them until they blow away in a strong wind to a fiery pit in hell.
And things were fine. We got along like an old married couple. I knew how it liked its eggs and it knew where to rub my Cream of Jesus.
But then, out of nowhere, ‘Lil Shawty II bit the dust. Right as I was typing my lunch of “Nachos Bell Grande” into My Fitness Pal. Which made me think my trainer had installed some sort of new eat healthy or be punished app and my phone was about to start spewing battery acid in my face.
I loaded everyone up and drove to the nearest ATT store, which is my FAVORITE thing to do with little kids. The products are placed juuuuust at a 2-year-olds eye level, begging to be torn off and stomped on and the 20 hour wait for a customer service helper while they destroy the store is uber relaxing for me.
This time, I decided I was ready to take a big leap away from Blackberries because THERE IS NO WAY TO GET VIDEO OFF YOUR BLACKBERRY. YOU HEAR ME BLACKBERRY PEOPLE? WHY!!!! I’ve spent hours of my life on the phone with the ATT customer services ass hats and for my troubles they sent me a dashboard phone holder.
I went with an Android, mainly because my kids were starting to lick the window decals and I just wanted to get the heck out of the store. Also, by some trick using Blue Tooth and then email and then wizards with unicorns the ATT guy was able to get my videos off of my old phone and onto the new one.
I had 20 videos, which took approximately 8 hours to download onto the new phone.
Which meant I was without a phone for 8 hours yesterday.
Right now I’m really wishing there was an appropriate font to make you understand what that’s like. I might as well have gone through my day with my fingers cut off. I had no idea what time it was all day long. It could have been 11, or it could have been 3. No clue. I had to keep going into the store to see if the videos were finished downloading because there was no other way besides smoke signals for the ATT guy to get in contact with me. Somebody could have broken their leg falling down our basement stairs and I would have been like, “Girls – try not to play in your sister’s blood while I go door to door looking for a phone.”
On the flip side, I didn’t have to reassure my sister 20 times that her fat flap isn’t hideous or hear in tedious detail how much it rained at my parents’ house. At first I felt slightly panicky that if something bad happened to someone they wouldn’t be able to get a hold of me, but then that very thought actually provided a sense of calm that I don’t remember ever feeling before.
It was sort of nice. Not nicer than being able to upload videos to Facebook while I drive, but nice in an Amish sort of way.
So now I have an awesome new phone that lets me take pictures like this..
Oh yeah… that there is what the kids call an animated GIF. I’m surprised you didn’t know how to do it on your phone. This phone does everything short of make toast, and it’s all voice activated. Which makes me a little nervous because I’m notorious for the butt dial. I lived in terror that one day my butt would dial someone as I’m being a ‘less than suitable’ parent, as outlined by the laws of St. Louis County.
Now with all this voice activation I’m terrified I’m going to accidentally send a status update to 600 people like, “DON’T TELL DADDY WE’RE HAVING TED DREWES FOR LUNCH” or “MAYBE I WOULDN’T DRINK SO MUCH IF YOU DIDN’T CRY EVERY TWO MINUTES”
Maybe I’ll just start ending all my sentences with LOL.