As I’m sure you recall, Lila was born with two butt holes. Or, as those in the biz call it, a “deep sacral dimple.” Of course I was worried when she was born because it was so deep that they had to do an ultrasound to make sure there were no bats or gnomes or anything hiding out up there. But now I’m actually excited about the possibility of her making a decent living as a novelty stripper.
So when Hadley was born with the same thing, I asked the doctor if it was genetic. I always had a sneaking suspicion that my inbreeding would come back to haunt me when I was least expecting it. She said that it was, and that if Nick and I went home and took a close look one of us would most likely have the same thing. Of course Nick refused because he said some things are better left a mystery. Which led me to believe he had two butt holes and was trying to cover it up. Or maybe he just didn’t want to go digging around my butt hole after I just had a baby.
So fast forward to this past weekend, when I was having some major tailbone pain from sitting on a bar stool for an extended period of time. Ellie and Lila were spending the night at my in-laws’ house so we decided it was time to take Hadley to her first bar. I had to give her a quick driving lesson on the way there just in case the party kicked up and we needed a DD.
Well bar related injuries are among the worst, and my tailbone hurt so bad the next day that I could hardly sit down and I asked Nick to take a look at it.
Nick: Oh ho ho ho!
Nick: Well well well… lookie here! You’ve totally got two butt holes.
Me: Really? What? No! Are you serious? It’s me?
*tries to twist head around to inspect own butt hole*
Nick: Yep. I’m surprised no one caught that when you were a baby.
Me: Holy crap – you’re right. I mean, I wonder what other weird mutant things I have that nobody has bothered to tell me about.
Nick: I don’t know, but check out these sweet boobs on your back!