Sitting in the carpool lane gives a woman a lot of time to think. Time to think about what she's going to make for dinner. Time to think if her yoga pants have exceeded their expiration date. Time to think about when the neighbors are going to start complaining because her unkept lawn is starting to encroach onto theirs. And, unfortunately, time to think about more unpleasant ...
Vacation… Showtunes, Head Lice and Food Guilt
Sometimes I wonder if I ever truly appreciated vacation before I had children. Sure, I enjoyed the fact that I was laying on a beach chair or skiing down a mountain somewhere and not sweating bullets in a conference room full of assholes, but I also went to happy hour six days a week and was able to finish a meal any time I wanted. I'm not saying that people without kids ...
My neck, my back, pulled my sciatic and my crack
Two weeks ago, I pulled a muscle in my back while playing Cirque Du Soleil in the playroom with my kids. Looking back, I realize that perhaps a game involving body contortion wasn't the best choice for a woman who has birthed three kids in thirty months. My back has never really returned to what most people would consider "functional" since this mess: That's me at eight ...
The Vacation That Came So Close To Ending In Murder
Our vacation last week started out like every other vacation I've ever taken - with me ferociously cleaning the house that we wouldn't set foot in again for six days. I'm not sure why I feel the need to scrub the enamel off the toilets when I leave town; it might have something to do with being 99% sure every plane I step onto is going to go down in flames. And I'll be ...
It’s Called A Boob. Now Take Your Finger Off My Nipple.
When it comes to explaining matters of the flesh to our children, my husband is infinitely more qualified than I. He is in the medical field, and it's not uncommon for him to read his anatomy books to them as bedtime stories. Everything is all blah blah brain stem, blah blah uterus. The way he explains things as he's answering their questions it sounds like he's teaching ...