Last week I was at the park on a play date with some of my Mom friends and - !HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS! - the conversation turned to our kids. Because the conversation never veers away from our kids. On play dates you are only legally allowed to talk about three things - kids, children and babies. Once in a while someone might throw in something about a cleanse. After play dates ...
The Heat – A Guide To Summer
And just like that, stifling humidity has pushed the winter wonderland off center stage and we wonder what all the fuss was about as we swat at a snapping turtle sized mosquito that landed on our face. Summer is not for the faint of heart, especially if you have little ones. It takes the mind of a lioness and the determination of an earthworm trapped on a hot sidewalk to ...
The Wedding Planner
Last Saturday Nick's younger brother got married, introducing a second in-law into the Mayer family fold. I think I speak for everyone when I say that I hope they wait as long as possible to have children so we aren't forced to make their deaths look accidental in order to avoid sharing our sweet in-law babysitter situation. Just a "suggestion", Julia *pulls index finger ...
Just Thank God You Didn’t Have To Give Birth To Anything With Hooves
Last week as I was on my knees simultaneously scraping what by my best guess was a bloody booger off the wall and praying a runaway train barreled through our house to put a quick end to the spring break misery, I decided enough was enough. Fin. I pried the girls' claws out of each others faces and announced that we were going on a spontaneous yet completely awesome overnight ...
It’s Called A Boob. Now Take Your Finger Off My Nipple.
When it comes to explaining matters of the flesh to our children, my husband is infinitely more qualified than I. He is in the medical field, and it's not uncommon for him to read his anatomy books to them as bedtime stories. Everything is all blah blah brain stem, blah blah uterus. The way he explains things as he's answering their questions it sounds like he's teaching ...