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The Day I Killed The Elf On The Shelf: A Holiday Card

December 23, 2016 · 4 Comments

I didn't send out Christmas cards this year because 2016 got me like: I can barely listen to the Christmas station without wanting to give the radio a double bird. Each time I sat down to put our shiny, happy picture on a card with the headline, "Best year ever!" I wanted to vomit. "Maybe I'll feel less repulsed at... well everything... tomorrow," I thought to myself every ...

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Filed In: kids, Motherhood, Nervous breakdowns, parenting / Tagged: bad parenting moments, christmas, christmas letter, elf on the shelf, holiday letter

He Sees You When You’re Sleeping

December 8, 2015 · 3 Comments

If you didn't have a chance to buy the amazing book I was a part of last year, Scary Mommy's Guide To The Holidays, you can finally stop bathing in guilt because I am gifting you with my chapter below.  It's about how to scare the crap out of your kids while staying within the boundaries of good parenting.  You're welcome.    The idea of a strange bearded man breaking ...

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Filed In: Uncategorized / Tagged: christmas, holidays, santa, scary mommy's guide to the holidays

Hannah’s Ho Ho Ho Gift Guide

November 23, 2015 · 3 Comments

Every holiday season I cringe at how much time is spent stressing about what gifts to buy for my family and how little time is spent reflecting on the true meaning of the season.  I always pledge that this year will be different, but so far I've not had the balls to gamble on my Brother-In-Law's reaction when he opens a gift card for "10 Hugs And A Snowball Fight". I like ...

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Filed In: Uncategorized / Tagged: christmas, holiday gift guide

Plan B

January 3, 2013 · 5 Comments

Knock knock! Who's there? Not my will to live! This morning I (finally!  oh thank god finally!) dropped two of my kids back at pre-school.  They don't technically open until next week, but I figured they both have good playgrounds and aren't too close to busy traffic so I was okay with it. Speaking of which, I'm getting really sick of all these "laws" telling me ...

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Filed In: kids, Motherhood, parenting, pre-school / Tagged: christmas, christmas vacation, kids, motherhood, Parenting, pre-school

Happy Holidays From The Mayers

December 14, 2012 · 1 Comment

Dear Friends, Family and Random Blog Reader Strangers I pray every night aren't pedophiles going to steal my kids, Happy holidays! I thought I'd take a quick moment to share our many blessings and let everyone know what the Mayer family has been up to this year. 2012 kicked off my with OB prescribing me a healthy dose of Zoloft to deal with a bitch of a post partum ...

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Filed In: Family, Favorite 1, kids, Love Letters / Tagged: christmas, Family, kids, Love Letters

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Winner of the 1998 Mid Rivers Mall M.C. Hammer dance contest
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