Last summer I graduated to the big kids' table at the swimming pool. If you have children you'll understand what a milestone this is - years and years of swim lessons finally paying off as my girls were now able to freestyle their way from the diving board to the ladder. The clouds parted and a holy ray of sun was cast down upon me in my warm, dry lounge chair as I had ...
Why You Definitely Should/Should Not Pierce Your Daughter’s Ears
I always thought I was doing my girls a huge favor by not piercing their ears as babies. No judgment upon those who do - I just sit on the other side of that parenting hot bed. "I have no choice - it's our culture," My Puerto Rican friend told me, dumping Siracha sauce on her slab of pork, knowing full well her IBS was going to turn her butt into a jack hammer in 43 minutes ...
The Wonderful, Awful, Lucky, Cursed, Beautifully Frustrating World of ADD
It's difficult to explain what it's like to have a child with ADD to someone who has never experienced it first hand. "Oh, it takes my daughter forever to put on her shoes and socks too. That doesn't mean she has ADD. That's just kids, dude." What my friends don't realize is that I'm talking about the literal forever. I could tell my daughter to put on her shoes and socks ...
The Day I Killed The Elf On The Shelf: A Holiday Card
I didn't send out Christmas cards this year because 2016 got me like: I can barely listen to the Christmas station without wanting to give the radio a double bird. Each time I sat down to put our shiny, happy picture on a card with the headline, "Best year ever!" I wanted to vomit. "Maybe I'll feel less repulsed at... well everything... tomorrow," I thought to myself every ...
Decadence
My first clue we were on the brink of something amazing was when I saw the Westboro Baptist Church protesting in the street. Nick and I had traveled to New Orleans for a long weekend away from the kids and it just so happened to be Decadence weekend, AKA "gay Mardi Gras". We knew this because once our plane landed, everyone and their brother was eager to inform us. "Well ...