Hey there, Dad at the pool with his kid. I couldn't help but notice you. Maybe because you strutted in here so carefree... the only one without a cooler big enough to feed the Chinese army. I mean, whatever, but don't come crying to me when your daughter doesn't have a minimum of six choices of Capri Sun and a variety of healthy yet palatable snacks. I'm only trying to - ...
The Kids Are At Camp So Here Are Four Things About Summer Break
As I promised my 7-year-old, I've given up blogging for the summer. Her definition of blogging includes me picking up my phone in any way shape or form and I haven't corrected her because it's easier than explaining my obsession with Googling pictures of botched plastic surgeries. Anyhoo, I have been (more or less, depending on my level of required bathroom time) social ...
To Elliot on Her Seventh Birthday
Dear Ellie, Today you turn seven. That's almost a real human being. I can remember a lot of stuff that happened when I was seven and that is a terrifying moment for any parent. When you realize that your child is now capable of memories. When you were a baby I figured if I screwed up no one would be the wiser. I just looked at the sky and whistled as I shimmied your leg ...
The Night Club
“I have to have back surgery,” I told my friend over dinner one night. The words tasted like mentholated arthritis cream in my mouth. She didn’t have to ask why, or what happened. Everyone who has a bunch of children knows exactly why and what happened. They break you. “Who are you going to?” she asked. “Dr. Weaver did my knees two years ago, but Jamie really loved Dr. ...
Shattered Dreams: The Huge Lie Of Free Time While Your Kids Are At Pre-School
The summer before my youngest daughter started preschool, I fantasized about what I was going to do with all the free time I had coming, making mental notes every time I drove by an antique shop; imagining myself splayed out in the steam room at our gym. “I’m starting to prune,” I would declare to all the other steam room moms with nothing else to do on a Thursday morning. “I ...