Contrary to popular belief, I was ecstatic when my doctor announced in the delivery room that a third little girl would be joining our family. I grew up with two sisters, and couldn't wait for my three daughters to experience the same excitement and volatility of being trapped in an emotionally unstable, explosively melodramatic, all-female shitshow. Plus we already had all ...
The Scream
The screaming began approximately seven minutes after I put her in the bathtub. Which, if you have little kids, you'll agree is always somewhat reassuring. A scream means everyone is alive and able to get air into and out of their lungs. Prolonged silence is what makes a parent's blood run cold. The moment you sit down and actually start to relax on your back patio you ...
Threesy Peasy
Last week I was at the park on a play date with some of my Mom friends and - !HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS! - the conversation turned to our kids. Because the conversation never veers away from our kids. On play dates you are only legally allowed to talk about three things - kids, children and babies. Once in a while someone might throw in something about a cleanse. After play dates ...
Bracing
Growing up with two sisters, I always wondered how three people living in the same house, with the same parents, with the same life experiences could be so different. I hated when a single blade of grass stuck to my foot; my middle sister ate mud. I liked my room neat as a pin; my youngest sister's room smelled like hair and guinea pigs. Probably because so many were lost ...
The Slippery Slope
Now... I'll be the first to admit that I'm no County Fair beauty pageant queen. But Imma just say that if you need a quick shot of self esteem the best way to find it is by spending the day at an indoor water park in the Ozarks. The only way to tell the men from the women was that (most of) the women had the decency to cover their boobs. Wee doggies. And while I went to ...