Last week I was at the park on a play date with some of my Mom friends and - !HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS! - the conversation turned to our kids. Because the conversation never veers away from our kids. On play dates you are only legally allowed to talk about three things - kids, children and babies. Once in a while someone might throw in something about a cleanse. After play dates ...
2016
In six months, Hadley will start pre-school. Which means that, for TWO WHOLE glorious days a week, I will have two hours and ten minutes all to myself. I know what you're thinking, and considering that I think of taking my kids to Parents Day Out so I can go get a pap smear a vacation, you bet your ass I'm counting those ten minutes. That means that for the next two years ...
Plan B
Knock knock! Who's there? Not my will to live! This morning I (finally! oh thank god finally!) dropped two of my kids back at pre-school. They don't technically open until next week, but I figured they both have good playgrounds and aren't too close to busy traffic so I was okay with it. Speaking of which, I'm getting really sick of all these "laws" telling me ...
Cheese dip and a pedicure
Recently my college friends and I had a discussion about the moment we knew we were done having kids. For one it came to her as a random Epiphany as she was driving down the street; for another it was when her husband came home holding a bag of frozen peas on his nuts and said, "Hey guess what." I was 99% sure our magic number was three the entire time I was pregnant with ...
Thank you sir may I have another
Right now all I want to do is hang myself from a tree limb by my ankles, take my shirt off and let midgets take turns flogging me with baseball bats like a human pinata. Why, you ask? Because I am the worst mother ever. The worst mother who has ever walked the Earth. I want to hide under a rock. Oh God I suck so bad. Today was Ellie's second day of pre-school. I ...