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Every Time A Bell Rings

February 5, 2018 · Leave a Comment

Mystical creatures are big around our house, mainly because I leverage them to blackmail/terrify my kids into good behavior as much as possible. Santa, the Easter bunny, Elf on the Shelf... heck we even had a Stay in Bed Fairy who helped Nick and I finish Mad Men season 6. The tooth fairy isn't my favorite, mainly because she's a lot of work with little to no return. Her ...

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Filed In: Ellie, Hadley, kids, Motherhood, parenting / Tagged: tooth fairy

A Masterpiece Out of Chicken Thighs

January 25, 2018 · 4 Comments

"Hey, come here a second," my mom said as she replaced the book in my hands with a wooden spoon covered in what I prayed was red sauce. Together, we walked into the kitchen and hovered over the skillet like we were peering into a crystal ball. Looking into my future, I saw me eating a lot of takeout. "Now see - first you brown your ground round," she said, soldiering on ...

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Filed In: Family, Motherhood, parenting, stay at home mom / Tagged: family home, humor, Stay At Home Mom

Sinners Like Me

January 22, 2018 · Leave a Comment

I was fifteen when my daddy's old man Caught me half way through my first beer He laughed so hard when my face turned green He said “You come from a long line of sinners like me” -Eric Church "Oh my goodness I just KNEW it was you," the nurse burst through my hospital door, rushed over to the bed and gave a gentle side hug, careful to avoid my C-section incision. "I saw ...

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Filed In: Family, Me, parenting / Tagged: 23 and me, family tree, genetic testing

The Wonderful, Awful, Lucky, Cursed, Beautifully Frustrating World of ADD

March 2, 2017 · 19 Comments

It's difficult to explain what it's like to have a child with ADD to someone who has never experienced it first hand. "Oh, it takes my daughter forever to put on her shoes and socks too. That doesn't mean she has ADD. That's just kids, dude." What my friends don't realize is that I'm talking about the literal forever. I could tell my daughter to put on her shoes and socks ...

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Filed In: Ellie, kids, Motherhood, Nervous breakdowns, parenting / Tagged: ADD, ADHD, Girls with ADD

The Day I Killed The Elf On The Shelf: A Holiday Card

December 23, 2016 · 4 Comments

I didn't send out Christmas cards this year because 2016 got me like: I can barely listen to the Christmas station without wanting to give the radio a double bird. Each time I sat down to put our shiny, happy picture on a card with the headline, "Best year ever!" I wanted to vomit. "Maybe I'll feel less repulsed at... well everything... tomorrow," I thought to myself every ...

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Filed In: kids, Motherhood, Nervous breakdowns, parenting / Tagged: bad parenting moments, christmas, christmas letter, elf on the shelf, holiday letter

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Winner of the 1998 Mid Rivers Mall M.C. Hammer dance contest
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