Like millions of Americans looking to fill the void left from an overly hyped up yet unfulfilling holiday, I went shopping on Black Friday. My experience was relatively tame; I didn't stand in line for hours in the blistering wind for a TV or frantically elbow my way through an angry mob of rabid women who would knife their grandma for a Furby. No, I was merely ...
Three is the loneliest number
Yesterday I happened upon a recent survey conducted by TodayMoms.com reporting that three is the most stressful number of children a mother can have. Also, 60% of participants said raising girls is more stressful than raising boys. I Immediately became suspicious that survey participants were exclusively my neighbors, family, the checker outers at my grocery store and ...
The Slippery Slope
Now... I'll be the first to admit that I'm no County Fair beauty pageant queen. But Imma just say that if you need a quick shot of self esteem the best way to find it is by spending the day at an indoor water park in the Ozarks. The only way to tell the men from the women was that (most of) the women had the decency to cover their boobs. Wee doggies. And while I went to ...
Vacation all I ever wanted
Last week was kind of a big deal around here. I hate to brag, but Nick and I just got back from a 6-day vacation to the Ozarks. Beautiful rolling hills overpopulated with deer crazier than a motherfucker, stunning golf courses conveniently situated in between a high school football stadium and an interstate, and Sundays are all you can smoke meth night down at the Painted ...
Big perm big worm
I'm pretty sure they put something in state fair beer that makes you want to go out and buy a gun. This beer tastes like it was roofied by Smith and Wesson. Because every time I walk in there I'm all, "Hey look at me with my college education and all my teeth" and after five minutes I'm asking my sisters to co-sign on the loan for my underground camo bunker while my ...