Sitting in the carpool lane gives a woman a lot of time to think. Time to think about what she's going to make for dinner. Time to think if her yoga pants have exceeded their expiration date. Time to think about when the neighbors are going to start complaining because her unkept lawn is starting to encroach onto theirs. And, unfortunately, time to think about more unpleasant ...
The Vacation That Came So Close To Ending In Murder
Our vacation last week started out like every other vacation I've ever taken - with me ferociously cleaning the house that we wouldn't set foot in again for six days. I'm not sure why I feel the need to scrub the enamel off the toilets when I leave town; it might have something to do with being 99% sure every plane I step onto is going to go down in flames. And I'll be ...
It’s Called A Boob. Now Take Your Finger Off My Nipple.
When it comes to explaining matters of the flesh to our children, my husband is infinitely more qualified than I. He is in the medical field, and it's not uncommon for him to read his anatomy books to them as bedtime stories. Everything is all blah blah brain stem, blah blah uterus. The way he explains things as he's answering their questions it sounds like he's teaching ...
I Want To Throw Myself Into Traffic: An Essay On Being A Stay-At-Home Mom
The following is a talk I gave to a group of Moms a few months ago. I was going to save it in the event I was ever invited to do another talk, but as my wonderful (and supportive) husband pointed out, "That's not gonna happen for a long, long time. It was good - you should publish it." Again, the king of the backhanded compliments never disappoints. Enjoy. Making ...
Throw The Babies Out With The Bath Water
My first indication something was amiss was Hadley's blood-curdling screams for help as she stood in her crib. It wasn't the blood curdling part that was cause for alarm so much - when a 2, 3 and 4-year-old share a bedroom there's always lots of screaming at bedtime. Every night I read them a story, tuck them in, kiss them goodnight, declare martial law and quietly shut the ...