It's difficult to explain what it's like to have a child with ADD to someone who has never experienced it first hand. "Oh, it takes my daughter forever to put on her shoes and socks too. That doesn't mean she has ADD. That's just kids, dude." What my friends don't realize is that I'm talking about the literal forever. I could tell my daughter to put on her shoes and socks ...
The Day I Killed The Elf On The Shelf: A Holiday Card
I didn't send out Christmas cards this year because 2016 got me like: I can barely listen to the Christmas station without wanting to give the radio a double bird. Each time I sat down to put our shiny, happy picture on a card with the headline, "Best year ever!" I wanted to vomit. "Maybe I'll feel less repulsed at... well everything... tomorrow," I thought to myself every ...
Twenty Questions
I read somewhere that children ask an average of 250 questions a day. Take that, times my three kids, and you’ll understand why I have a permanent eyelid twitch and bring my wine with me into the shower. Most of the questions are easy and take little to no thought — “Why are you yelling at that guy if he can’t hear you?” Because he is driving like a complete ass hat! For ...
How to Become Your Own Worst Nightmare Just By Growing Up
For whatever reason, my favorite movie as a kid was Mommie Dearest. Admittedly, an odd choice for a child. I could tell you that it was because there was something inspiring about Christina's plight for justice and subsequent karmic satisfaction when she publicly (posthumously) exposed her mother for the monster she was. Or maybe even that it encouraged me to appreciate my ...
Three Little Girls Who Can’t. Even.
I've been taking a bit of a blog hiatus, because in a moment of delusional grandeur last spring I decided that my kids and I are going to have a totally groovy 70s style summer. No bells and whistles, no frills, no fancy camps. Just some good old fashioned playing in the sprinklers, drinking water straight out of the garden hose, throwing a pack of cigarettes on the deck and ...