Remember in college when you went on spring break and stayed out until 6am and woke up still drunk at 9am only to crack open another beer and start all over again? For the first couple of days you felt like a cross between David Hasselhof and Superwoman... nothing can stop me! But then somewhere around day three something goes wrong. You wake up in a pool of your own vomit ...
Nick’s details about mopping the uterus
This week on Saturday, Hannah was finally given permission from a kind God to expel the awkward mass of baby from her body, thus ending the battle for control of her gait and urinary continence. She is one step closer to fulfilling her purpose on earth, as I have gathered since meeting Hannah. The slow trickle of interest I received from other women was destroyed quickly once I ...
The Labor: Part III – The Aftermath
The day after Lila was born I was changing her diaper and noticed something strange. I hate to disclose details involving my daughter's private parts but she had a little, um, dimple above her, um, butt. I didn't think much of it other than it looking a little odd but the pediatrician came in the next morning to talk to us about it. I was listening to her as I was hoisted high ...
The Labor: Part II – Epidural Fail
So as I was saying, by the time we pulled up to the front doors of the hospital we were wearing life jackets and snorkel gear. As I hobbled inside I looked back and saw Nick covering the car in gasoline and yelling "UNCLEAN!" Nick grabbed a wheel chair and as he raced toward me an old man sitting on a bench in the lobby pointed at me and said "uh-oh... looks like SOMEONE is ...
The Labor: Part I – Please do not Google any words in this post
So Friday I woke up and quickly realized that I would soon be going into labor. I won't gross you out with all of the gory details but WHATEVER YOU DO you should never ever ever Google the words "bloody show". I immediately went into a panic because I still had four days before my due date and I had a lot of important stuff left to do. I have to wash the bathroom towels! I have ...