When the speaker announced my name as the winner of the Huffington Post essay competition, the feeling of elation may have eclipsed that which I felt at the birth of my children. Hell, it may have eclipsed the joy I feel when thinking of my own birth. Coming from a blogger, that is saying a lot. At some point my essay will appear on HP, but I wanted to share it here first as ...
The Seven Stages of Dinner
The majority of my day centers around feeding something. If I am not actively preparing food I am thinking about what I'm going to make, shopping for what I'm going to make, or cleaning up what I just made. And yet despite three meals and one healthy (relatively) snack every single day, my children are non-stop ravenous, insatiable beasts. Until dinner, that is. That's ...
‘Tis The Season… For Kicking Some Ass
I went black Friday shopping. On Thanksgiving. At Wal-Mart. Go ahead - accuse me of contributing to the erosion of the American institution. And I'll tell you that it was a lot easier than you might think to abandon a Thanksgiving dinner table where my 82-year-old Grandma is ripping twelve second farts to shop kidless with my sister while sipping on Crown and ...
The Scream
The screaming began approximately seven minutes after I put her in the bathtub. Which, if you have little kids, you'll agree is always somewhat reassuring. A scream means everyone is alive and able to get air into and out of their lungs. Prolonged silence is what makes a parent's blood run cold. The moment you sit down and actually start to relax on your back patio you ...
Threesy Peasy
Last week I was at the park on a play date with some of my Mom friends and - !HOLD ONTO YOUR HATS! - the conversation turned to our kids. Because the conversation never veers away from our kids. On play dates you are only legally allowed to talk about three things - kids, children and babies. Once in a while someone might throw in something about a cleanse. After play dates ...