When it comes to explaining matters of the flesh to our children, my husband is infinitely more qualified than I. He is in the medical field, and it's not uncommon for him to read his anatomy books to them as bedtime stories. Everything is all blah blah brain stem, blah blah uterus. The way he explains things as he's answering their questions it sounds like he's teaching ...
five things the baby books don’t tell you but should
Because if I've learned anything from my Mother it's that nothing makes someone happier than a bunch of unsolicited advice. Now get over here and let me wipe that dirt off your cheek with my spit. 1. Keep a toilet in your car. I know what you're thinking: "Hey Princess Kate Middleton - when did you start writing this blog?" Yes - a toilet in a car is a little I ...
The many faces of pain
I'm typing this with my nose because it's the only thing on my body that doesn't feel like has been beaten with a bat and then set on fire. Even my nipples hurt, which, after 8 weeks of breastfeeding, I thought we were past. I took a step class this morning which involved a lot of jumping. And if you've ever breastfed anything you know that jumping is bad. About 10 minutes ...
Ghoulie
The first time your baby sleeps through the night is the single most terrifying moment of your life. This morning was the first time in 11 months that I've woken up on my own accord. No screaming bladder, no screaming baby. For a mili-second I was 28 again, waking up after a long and peaceful slumber without a care in the world. But then I wondered why my boobs had their ...
Mamma Jamma
Me: I need to get fitted for a nursing bra, please. Nursing bra fitter: Sure! Ok... let's see here (pulls out tape measure)... you're a 36... E. Me: Heh? Nick: Kerplunk (faints on floor) Lila: Scccchuuulp (licks lips) Nursing bra fitter: You're a 36 E. Me: Dear lord. Can't we just call it a 36 Triple C? Nursing bra fitter: Uh, no. Me: Give me the ...