A few weeks ago my little sister Sarah shipped off to boot camp for the Air Guard. That’s right, America – soon this girl will be keeping you safe at night:
You might be wondering how I could be young enough to have a little sister in boot camp. Though I know I don’t look a day over 24, she is eight and a half years younger than me. My family lovingly refers to her as “The Horrible Mistake.” Not directly to her face or anything; we usually just write it on her Christmas present tags and birthday cakes.
So there’s that, and also she’s ten years older than everyone else in her little boot camp troop (gaggle? herd? pack? mess?). She’s been having a challenging time with all the young folk, and her letters have become increasingly… well… weird sounding.
That is, until I got what might be the best letter I’ve ever received in the mail last Thursday and was totally reassured that all the circuits are still firing straight in her brain:Dear Hannah, There’s a girl here that shaves her face. Like a dude. Tonight she said, “I seriously have more hair on my chest than my boyfriend.” OMG. It was everything, EVERYTHING I had not to roll up out of bed and say (with glowing red eyes): “GIVE ME… A KEG… OF BEER.” Love you, Sarah
I added the picture for reference if you don’t get it. If you still don’t get it after the picture, well… you should be thankful for your very normal childhood and the endless 80’s movie references that will not haunt your brain until the day you die.
Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting who would ever really wanna go an top that OH MY GOD THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU GET OUT OF MY HEAD DEMON SONG!