Big perm big worm

I’m pretty sure they put something in state fair beer that makes you want to go out and buy a gun. 

This beer tastes like it was roofied by Smith and Wesson. 
Because every time I walk in there I’m all, “Hey look at me with my college education and all my teeth” and after five minutes I’m asking my sisters to co-sign on the loan for my underground camo bunker while my toddler gets a tattoo. 

Dude this tat is gonna be so tight.   

Hey gimme a hit of that to dull the pain. 

We made a last-minute decision to head to my home town and take Ellie to the state fair this year, mainly because it was the first time in fourteen years that I didn’t go to the St. Charles County fair and I needed my corn dog fix.

“Mommy I can feel my heart struggling to beat.” 
“That means it’s working, honey.”

Because seriously, St. Charles County fair people, $20 bucks per person?  To see a bunch of pregnant teenagers compete in a pageant and couple of pigs?  Really?  In the past we’ve piled all of our friends into the back of the mini van and made them crouch under the seats like a bunch of illegal immigrants crossing the border to avoid the $15 cover charge but this year we didn’t go on principle.

So please enjoy a few shots of our day at the state fair.

Here’s Nick taking Ellie onto the giant Ferris wheel.  You could get a real good view of the lightning from up there. 


Pee wee four wheeler competition.  Followed by the after party in the pee wee beer tent. 

Ellie really enjoyed the super slide.

See how much fun she’s having?

Because why not.

Red velvet funnel cake.  With cream cheese icing.  Isn’t she pretty?  Now stop looking at her.  Seriously… you… back the eff off.  She’s too good for you. 

I got mind control over Deebo. He be like “shut the fuck up.” I be quiet. But when he leave, I be talking again.


  1. Heidi S says

    OMG I was browsing previous posts (I’m new around here) listed at the bottom and misread the title of this one. I thought it said Big SPERM Big Worm. I got excited thinking you were gonna dish about your hubby’s …. well, you can guess. Anyway, I love your stuff, super funny!

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