Holy F

May 4, 2011

Holy F.

This was last weekend. You know, when I was 8 weeks pregnant.

For accurate scale, please note that the bitch directly to my left is 22 weeks, and the slut two over is 30 weeks.

My mind can’t even begin to wrap itself around what I’m going to look like at 22 or 30 weeks. My uterus is going to resemble something in between the Trump Tower and Saturn.

My stomach muscles were never what one might call “acceptable”, or “not nauseating to look at” but at least they held strong until I was in the teen weeks of both previous pregnancies. Now they look like a forest that has been annihilated by a team of bulldozers. They have completely surrendered to what they know is the inevitable.

Welp… no use crying about that which I have no control. My pancakes are getting cold.

{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

singedwingangel May 4, 2011 at 6:24 pm

Aww momma but look at the gift yo get at the end.. and the blackmail you have to torment your children with for YEARS after. If ever mine get too big for their britches I pull out the photo albums and weep over my figure before I gave birth. When they ask what is wrong I say, I just can’t believe that out of love for YOU I allowed you to wreak havoc onmy body and I could have looked like this and not had all this grief you like to put upon me.. yeah it works roflmbo


Melody May 4, 2011 at 6:24 pm

How’d I miss that! Congrats on number three Hannah!


Hannah May 4, 2011 at 6:57 pm

Yeah… that would be a pretty good strategy but my pre-baby body is not exactly brag worthy.


Kimberly May 4, 2011 at 8:08 pm

If it makes you feel better, I am not pregnant, however still look like I am.


Lisa May 4, 2011 at 8:11 pm

Maybe that means this one’s a boy? 😉

Congrats Hannah. I know you’re a little (Ok lots) freaked out now but… If there’s one woman who can make this circumstance hysterically funny, it’s YOU!


Rebecca Watson May 4, 2011 at 9:12 pm

Congrats on your pregnancy! :)


Hannah May 4, 2011 at 9:21 pm

Kimberly – would it make me a bad person if I said it did make me feel better? Just a little.


Leslie May 4, 2011 at 10:27 pm

I hope you realize I am just going to scream throughout your entire pregnancy. *screams*


Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy May 5, 2011 at 1:13 pm

Dude. You don’t even KNOW. I’m one of those pregnant women that gets jaw-droppingly, freakishly HUGE: three kids, and I’ve gained 90, 80, and 70 pounds, respectively. My belly sticks out so far that I don’t fit in booths at restaurants, and perfect strangers literally screech to a halt in their tracks to gape in wonderment at how I’m even standing upright still. It’s bad.

I feel for you. Truly I do.


Hannah May 5, 2011 at 3:22 pm

Frump-a-licious –

It’s awful. This time I think I’m going to just wear a sandwich board that says:

December 8
Yes there’s only one in there
Yes I’m sure


beth May 5, 2011 at 3:57 pm

i look like that and i’m not even pregnant so shut your pie hole!


Bonnie May 7, 2011 at 9:49 pm

Congratulations on baby number 3. Three kids aged 2 and under. Or maybe you are having twins, which would explain why you are bumping out a bit earlier than before? I know, you’ll either shoot yourself, or maybe me, for even suggesting it. Anyway, you will do beautifully and think of all that new fodder the new baby will give you–if you ever find time to write again!


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