As I previously mentioned, I was out of town for four days last week at a blogger conference. I left explicit instructions with Nick including a schedule of their daily routine and lists of games and activities they like. I even pulled the food out of the pantry and lined it up on the counter in chronological eating order.

I guess I wasn’t specific enough.

Me: Why are there safety pins on the girls’ dresser?

Nick: Well, Lila was rolling over in her crib a lot and I was afraid she was going to suffocate so I…

Me (thinking): Please dear Lord in heaven, merciful Jesus, with your flowing hair and righteous beard, please father son holy ghost almighty Galilee virgin unto you thy servants testament Israel glory don’t let him say what I think he’s going to say

Nick: …pinned her pajamas to the mattress.

Me: what.

Nick: And it worked like a charm. See how happy and alivey she is?

Me: what.

Nick: Don’t go getting all judgey because I didn’t stick EXACTLY to your schedule, Miss Rigid. You parent your way, I parent mine. (takes bite of apple)

Me: You mean the legal way?

Nick: Let’s not split hairs here.


  1. says

    I’m pretty sure One Step Ahead has a device that sounds quite similar to Nick’s idea. Of course, they also have an infant helmet for beginning walkers to avoid head injuries… 😉

  2. says

    In fairness he did call to see what I thought of the idea. Selfishly I told him to go ahead and I may have said something about how he could probably find a way to make money off this idea it was so good. But mostly I was curious to see what picture might accompany the post you’d write about it. Will it be a picture of Nick in his pajamas pinned to the bed? Will it be Nick with two black eyes? In handcuffs? A red handprint on his face? Oh the possibilities.

  3. says

    Um this is one of the funniest things i have ever heard-not just the fact that he did it and didn’t cover the whole thing up but the fact he was so proud of his invention! My husband may be jealous-

  4. says

    That’s exactly something my husband would try, only with duct tape :( BTW, I have to openly admit that I was a little more than starstruck when I saw that you commented on my blog! Holy crap that’s exciting! Thank you!

  5. says

    my 2 fave lines of this story:

    “lined it up on the counter in chronological eating order.”

    “with your flowing hair and righteous beard”

    this needs to go into a stand up set. and by this i mean all your stories.

  6. Kris says

    LOL, so I know this post is 2 years old but I just found your blog recently and I’m catching up.

    Laughing so hard at “…with your flowing hair and righteous beard” that my kids can’t figure out if I was laughing or crying because tears are rolling down my face and I’m doing that silent shoulder shrugging thing.

    Thanks for the laugh and I’ll be borrowing that phrase right away.

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