bun(ny) in the oven

May 22, 2013

Yesterday as I was standing in the backyard inspecting our weeds, wondering if it was legal to do a controlled burn in a residentially zoned neighborhood, I noticed something strange.  A rabbit had built a nice cozy home smack in the middle of our yard… complete with a nursery.

At first I was like aw HELLS no lady… this yard isn’t big enough for the both of us but then I squatted down and got a closer look at what she had going on.  I don’t know how she did it but she had made herself a bed of mud, and the cute little burrowed nursery (which was still sans babies, thank god) had been painstakingly constructed out of thousands of tiny pieces of grass (okay, weeds) and hay.  I had no idea how long it took her to make but it beat the hell out of Ellie’s first nursery where I cut out a picture of Pooh from a catalogue and taped it to the side of a filing cabinet.

I looked up and saw she was nervously crouched about three feet from me, hopping back and forth, every so often lifting her whiskers into the air to try to get a look at what I was doing.

And before I knew it I went from wanting to evict her into the cold dark night to asking her if she would like an extra pillow and if she prefers regular or decaf in the morning.  Also, I was so thankful I had noticed it before the little neighbor boy who cuts our lawn got a super special surprise spewing out of his mower that would probably land him in therapy for the rest of his life.

The bunny and I locked eyes and I tried to telepathically communicate to her that I meant her no harm and would make sure she and her family would be safe here.  For a moment I felt we were kindred spirits; just two moms trying to protect our little ones.  I moved closer to see if she would eat an acorn out of my outstretched hand.

“Come back little bunny – we are of the same essence!”  I screamed as she tore away from me, wide eyed and terrified.

I couldn’t wait to meet my new bunny babies.  I would name one of them All Hopped Up.

Of course when Nick came home he demolished the whole thing with a rake and told me he was scared the bunny might attack one of the kids if they accidentally stepped on her house.  But by then I had sobered up and was kinda over the whole woodland creature mental connection anyway.

But it made me think about the things we all do for our children.  Bunnies spend their lives building intricate homes out of tiny pieces of grass; I spend eternity listening to this because my girls love it:

Dora Hell

Time to Play, the universe’s expert on toys, so graciously hooked me up with three oh Mom it’s the best thing EVER! Dora microphones that my girls haven’t released their grip on for six days.  Six.  Days.  Dora haunts my dreams and she continues singing in my head long after the toys have been put away.  But it makes them happy so I deal with it.

Now, lucky for you, I’m partnering with them to give away an awesome game that does not talk, has nothing to do with Dora and will not cause you to want to dismember something – Monsters University Who’s Behind The Door? .

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All you have to do to enter to win this game is:

1.  Like my Facebook page

2.  Follow me on Twitter and send me a Tweet letting me know you’ve done both.

I will randomly select a winner on Friday, May 24 at 6pm, and even send the game right to the winner’s house!  You’re welcome very much.

Contest open to legal U.S. residents over the age of 18.  Winner will be randomly selected from eligible entries at 6pm Central Standard Time on Friday, May 24.  Winner will be notified via Facebook and/or Twitter.  If winner does not claim prize within 48 hours an alternate winner will be selected.

Disclosure:  I may have been provided goods, services and/or compensation for promoting this product or event.  All thoughts are my own. 

{ 4 comments }

five things the baby books don’t tell you but should

5.20.13

Because if I’ve learned anything from my Mother it’s that nothing makes someone happier than a bunch of unsolicited advice.  Now get over here and let me wipe that dirt off your cheek with my spit. 1.  Keep a toilet in your car. I know what you’re thinking: “Hey Princess Kate Middleton – when did you start writing this blog?”  Yes - a toilet in a car is a little I have this great possum recipe-ish.  Yes - as people get in your car they’ll say, “Hey, is that a toilet in your car?” and never send you another job lead. But the toddler toilet in our car is the best little trick I accidentally ever happened upon. I was on a road trip with the girls to my sister’s house and I don’t know where I thought the 44oz soda I drank in eleven seconds was going to go, but it might surprise you to know it went straight to my bladder.  I had to pee so bad I could only inhale in small and strategically timed increments and I was running through different scenarios in my head of how to quietly kill myself because all three kids were sound asleep in the back and I’ll be damned if I was going to wake them up to go into a gas station. I called my sister to try to distract my angry bladder and she [...]

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pimpin ain’t easy

5.16.13

I’m always taken aback when someone recognizes me in public from  my blog.  It doesn’t happen every day, but it happens often enough that I now have to wear a bra when I go to Wal-Mart.  Which makes the people there think I’m a snob and I can’t get anyone to show me where the light bulbs are. The things I do for you people. Some prefer to skip the formal introductions and just come right up and launch into how one of their kids has two butt holes too, which leads me to think either they recognize me from my blog or they are schizophrenic.  Some stand in the check out line and stare at me, only to whisper ”I love your blog!” as I’m leaving.  This is after I’ve spent 10 minutes wondering how I can discreetly wipe the booger their unwavering stare has convinced me is on my cheek. My heart races and I get a huge surge of adrenalin because it’s such a rush to realize that there are, in fact, actual human beings out there reading my work.  Yes, I check my Google Analytics and I see that there are at least twelve people reading this every day, but in my mind when I hit the ‘publish’ button the words float into oblivion. There is no one out there laughing, crying, wincing, [...]

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Stay at home, mom.

5.13.13

I laid in the recovery room, my third daughter in two and a half years pink and fresh and peaceful in my arms.  Contrary to popular belief, I was so happy to have another girl.  I grew up with two sisters and while I’m sure our teenage years were at times a bit tumultuous for my parents, my sisters are now my dearest friends.  My parents arrived in the middle of the night and my Mom, grinning from ear to ear, walked over to my hospital bed.  “You didn’t have to drive all the way up here – it’s like three hours,” I said sleepily. “Oh, honey,”  She said.  “This is a momentous, joyous day for your father and me.  Nothing could have kept us away from telling you in person that… payback… is a bitch, sucker!” With that, she snapped a picture, gave my dad a high five and laid rubber out of the parking lot. Growing up, my family didn’t have a lot of extra money but one year we splurged and went on a vacation.  Now… many people would say that camping in the boondocks in the middle of August isn’t a vacation. And those people are what I like to call right. But the worst part of the vacation wasn’t the insufferable mosquitoes, the mind-numbing boredom or even trying to leverage [...]

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the vamp of savannah

5.09.13

Last week I took a girls’ trip to Savannah with my Exotic Friends, AKA my book club. See how beautiful the ocean looks in the middle of a monsoon? This is pretty much how it looked for four days straight; the clouds parting literally only as we were on our way to the airport. This weather might have been a huge bummer to most, however, laying around a beach house in my sweats drinking wine eating enough fun sized Snickers to render one blind was EXACTLY what I needed.  The only down side was that I de-furred myself for nothing and razor burn waits for no woman. I called my Mom a few days before I left to make final arrangements for my parents to pick up the girls. “So who are you going on this trip with again?” “My book club.  I can’t wait – they are awesome.  They’re all doctors, from all parts of the world – most of us are from different countries with different religions so our conversations are so enlightening.” -silence- “Ummm, but they’re all… English, right?” “What do you mean, English?” “Well, you know, like, born and raised in the United States?” “No, that’s what makes getting together with them so interesting.  They grew up all over the place.  India, Egypt, Nigeria, Pakistan…” My Mom’s head made a slight [...]

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To Elliot on her fourth birthday

5.07.13

  Dear Ellie, I know it sounds cliché, but it literally feels like yesterday that I procrastinated writing your third birthday letter until the last minute, stayed up until midnight trying to write it and still didn’t get it posted until the next day.  I swear one day I’ll get ahead of the curve. Happy birthday yesterday, by the way. Although it seems like you just turned three, so much has happened in the past year.  You learned how to pour your own milk, paint your own nails and squeeze your own toothpaste.  I’m hoping when it’s time for next year’s letter you’re actually able to hit your cup, your nails and your toothbrush. You took your sweet time in joining our family, and have since done everything in your own time, on your own terms.  Breastfeeding, walking, potty training, swinging yourself - nothing is ever attempted until you’re positive you’ll succeed on the first try. You try so hard to be grown up but every so often the four-year-old soul that you work tirelessly to stifle peeks through.  Like when you came down the stairs on Christmas morning, or when you sleep.  Which I could pull up a chair and watch you do forever, by the way. You remind me so much of myself and I finally understand why my Mom constantly walked around the [...]

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hannah fierce

4.30.13

The people have spoken. And spoken and spoken and spoken and spoken. Congratulations to Christina Romacker whose outfit selection garnered almost 2 billion votes and catapulted my blog into the most visited web site in the history of the world.  Well, in my neighborhood, at least. Christina has won a free hair do from KINK Hair Salon, a Painter For A Day from Kennedy Painting, and an in-home photo session from Karen Hendrix Photography.  A very cool prize pack indeed, and I would like to take a quick moment to thank them, my awesome partners.  All three are companies I’ve done business with for a long time and run by people I know and trust, and I would encourage you to give them a whirl the next time you need new hair, paint, or pics. Anyhoo, now here’s the twist that has kept me awake at night for the past three weeks. Some time between the moment I tried on the striped dress in the dressing room and thought it looked like dog butt and posted in on my blog as a big loser, and the time that you all told me how much you liked it… I really fell in love with it.   Like, put it on every night and play fashion show in my mirror love.  Like, take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant love.  [...]

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